Intention of this article and disclaimer

The intention of this article is to give those who may be a little bit confused on what the church teaches when it comes to marriage. This article is not designed to be an extremely in-depth article on all what the church teaches about when it comes to divorce. Also, I am excluding the exploration of annulments. I am just a simple layperson trying to share something that I have recently witnessed and that I feel that God has touched me to share with you.

Introduction

I grew up in a small East Texas town of about five thousand. The area consists mostly of Baptists, Church of Christ, and just a few Catholics. Where I grew up, it was very common to know people like family or friends who have been divorced at least once twice, or three times. Catholics included.

It was my understanding as an adolescent that divorce is just a sad event when people no longer feel like they can remain married due to financial disagreements, lifestyle changes, or they just want to be with other people. That is not to say that infidelity is not a big cause, but the point is that divorces have become more common and not seen as serious. It falls into the same category as breaking up with someone you have only been dating for a few months. It is not that divorce has become less painful but on the line that marriage has become less serious. The secular world has developed it into a business transaction and when you feel like you are no longer profiting, it is time to move on to the next investment opportunity.

So, what I intend to explore in this article, is to share what the church teaches on marriage and divorce, and some personal connections that moved me to write this after attending a catholic wedding of a close friend who is my confirmation sponsor.

What does the Church define marriage as?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) Paragraph 1601 defines marriage as “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament” (Vaticana, 2019).  If you read slowly, you can see a few words and phrases that are easily looked over but encapsulate a much deeper meaning. The first is “covenant,” the second being “partnership of the whole life” and lastly “dignity of a sacrament.”

By exploring sacred scripture, we can see that throughout salvation history that a covenant is agreement between God and humanity. In the context of marriage, the marriage covenant is between a husband and a wife coming together before God and with God and making vows that are perpetual and blessed by the Creator for the greater good of the spouses, as well as the procreation and education of the offspring (Vaticana, 2019). Reading the words “partnership of the whole life,” at face value, the words means that it is an ongoing covenant and partnership that is to last until the end of life. That why in the vows of holy matrimony, we hear the phrase “until death do you part.”  For Catholics and even the Orthodox churches we have seven sacraments. I will not be diving into what all seven are, but I will define what a sacrament is because all seven have the same intention in unique ways. Paragraph 1210 say this, “the seven sacraments touch all the stages and all the important moments of Christian Life. They give birth and increase, healing, and mission to the Christian’s life of faith” in simple terms, it is the grace we continually receive from God through the church (Vaticana, 2019).

Marriage is not a handshake deal. it is not just a business transaction to help a couple become financially independent. It is directed at the greater good, our God and our creator and to walk with him. Marriage is a personal covenant that is meant to last a lifetime. It is until death are you relieved from it. There is a purpose to it. Marriage is divine.

What does Jesus say about divorce with help from St Paul?

What does Jesus say about divorce? I want to make a comment on why I titled this section the way that I did. The bible is an overview of salvation history where we see the beginning of mankind and the fall in Genesis and ending in Revelations where St John is writing about the end times and the new creation to come but we must remember that our teaching comes from God and that we are just reading the bible. We are receiving grace and teaching from God not the bible. The bible is not God himself. A pet peeve of mine is when I hear someone say, ‘The bible says,” what they should be saying is “the bible reads.”  Jesus is fully God and fully man. He is the second person in the trinity so we can always take what Jesus says to be true.

In the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 19, two different pharisaic schools are trying to corner Jesus. The Hillels who are more liberal and the Shammai, the conservatives.

³ Some Pharisees came to him, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?” ⁴ He answered, “Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ ⁵ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” ⁷ They said to him, “Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?” ⁸ He said to them, “It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. ⁹ And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery (Matthew Chapter 19 verses 3-9)

Jesus does say that the man and woman are no longer just two but become one flesh and because God has joined them together, no one can separate it, but you might say, wait a minute what about the part where Jesus says “except for unchastity.” Does that give an exception and contradicts what Jesus said? No and here is why.

Jesus was not speaking to modern secular people. He was a Jew speaking to jews all of them being well versed in the Mosaic Law. It is important to note that context. In Jewish history, there were certain conditions that would make a marriage invalid or unlawful based on the mosaic law (Leviticus chapter 18). The word that is used in the Gospel of Matthew for unchastity is the Greek word “Porneia”. Porneia is a broad term referencing fornification, sexual immoraility and unchasity.

Keep in mind the terms of marriage and divorce and when they exist. Marriage is found both in the legal sense and the sacramental sense. Legal meaning the local governmental laws where you live but the sacramental sense meaning through God. Divorce on the other hand only exist in the legal sense and cannot exist in the sacramental sense like Jesus declared. Also in verse 8, Jesus clarifies that it was Moses who allowed it and not God.

(add in a deeper meaning of Porneia, expand exceptive clauses in sub notes of the study bible under matthew 5:31-32) page 1344

In first Corinthians Chapter 7 verse 10 Saint Paul gives a solution to the problem that we get stuck on when it comes to adultery or unchastity. “To the married I would give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband)-and that the husband should not divorce his wife”.  The apostle does not use the word divorce, he uses the word separate. The only type of separation that a couple is permissible to have when it comes to serious sin such as adultery is to live separately but still not receive a divorce. They can live separately but not remarry. The choices are to reconcile with each other or to remain separately, the first choice is the better one. Saint Paul is still saying that divorce is not the answer even when it comes to adultery.

Personal connections

Recently I had the privilege of being a groomsman for one of my closest friends from college who also happens to be my confirmation sponsor. Now I have attended one other Catholic wedding but was not able to attend as a groomsman. Witnessing this marriage was an absolute eye opener when it came to my understanding and the beauty of the sacrament. I was able to see what the sacrament truly means while being able to see some of the parallels that are occurring between that marriage and the marriage, we see between Christ the bridegroom and his bride his holy church.

One of the first things that I was able to draw a parallel and that my eyes were open to was when it came to standing next to my friend as a groomsman as he and his fiancé stood at the foot of the altar. I was able to witness one of the most beautiful things that occurs on earth. The total and full self-giving of one person to another just like we see Jesus doing for us on the cross. They are both covenants that cannot be broken. Secondly as I was standing there, I realized that I had a parallel between the angels and Saints who had gone before us. In revelation chapter 19 verse seven it says let us rejoice and exult and give him glory for the marriage of the lamb has come and his bride has made herself ready. To me it was being able to see such a small glint of what is to come in heaven.

Being able to compare this marriage on earth to the covenant we have with Christ it would make sense that divorce on earth cannot happen because God cannot divorce us. God does have the power to divorce he is the all-powerful God, but God has made a perpetual promise to withhold the covenant with us in the same way those who are called to marriage make with each other and with God it simply cannot happen.

Conclusion

There is a deeper meaning behind marriage and all the sacraments that exist within the church. Though marriage has become the default sacrament, that does not make it any less meaningful than the other six. When a priest or a nun makes their final vows, they are expected to carry those vows for the rest of our lives. Marriage is no different. The next time you are at a wedding I encourage you to listen to the vows and pray and ponder upon what those vows mean and how we see it in our relationship with Christ and the covenant that was established between us and God. I promise you when you start seeing these parallels between the covenant of marriage and the covenant God made with us, you will appreciate marriage and even the other sacraments so much more.

Works cited.

1. Vaticana, L. E. (n.d.). Article 7 The Sacrament of Matrimony. In Catechism of the Catholic Church (Second). essay, Libreia Editrice Vatcana.
2. Matthew Chapter verses 3-9. (n.d.). essay.